Can you see what you cannot see?
"It is the cognitive version of the physiological blindspot: we do not see what we do not see. Objectivity is a subject's delusion that observing can be done without him." | Heinz von Foerster
One of the most fascinating experiences for me is – over and over again - that you DO NOT SEE what you cannot see. We all have cognitive blind spots: areas that we simply don’t see. This can influence us in unknown ways: our subconscious pulling the strings. This can also be used in our favor: what isn’t important to you, doesn’t take up space in your world.
When we haven’t seen our blind spots yet, we don’t realize they’re there and that they have an influence on us. This also means that we can’t see them in others.
Recently, my therapist pointed out that I have a strong desire to be adventurous. And she’s right! One of the reasons I find all-day office work so excruciating is that offices are, in my opinion, sterile and lifeless environments. They have no soul, but solely a functional focus (except them colorful lightshades to make things more F.U.N.). This opposes, amongst other things, my strong need for adventure: one of the things I liked most about being a paramedic is that I never knew what to expect: I saw so many homes from inside. I met so many people. And I never knew what would expect me on site. It was exhilarating!
This experience was also present when living in Asia: I remember stepping on the street in China, after having lived there for two years, and still being amazed by the stuff I saw EVERY SINGLE DAY.
Yet, despite this being such a strong factor in my decision-making, I hadn’t been aware of it. The moment my therapist had pointed that out, I saw it in so many facets of my life: I meditate because it’s the biggest journey one can embark on, I explore abandoned places for the thrill, I race my bike around the city to recreate a real-life version of Mario Kart, … The list goes on and on. Often, I catch myself engaging in something that’s risky, simply for the thrill of it!
In my experience, we all have every need to some extent. A lot of people satisfy their need for adventure in safe ways, e.g. by going to a theme park. Or by dousing their flame for adventure in booze. By getting into fights (not so safe). This is exemplified by me meeting up with a friend recently. Although they’re successful by all traditional means, they reported a sense of regret and listlessness. They shared some of their dreams with me, one of them including leaving everything behind and instead traveling the world. I reflected with them on their need for adventure and how this could be satisfied in other ways than starting all over. I was able to SEE their need, because I was able to see it in my own experience! That allowed us to check in around this need and look for other ways to fulfil it other than “leave everything behind”.
Looking at the flipside of this, one can also leverage this function in one’s experience: what isn’t important to you, simply isn’t there! You can try this out yourself: casually observe a large group of people and see who stands out to you. What makes them resonate with you? Who is your gaze naturally pulled to? Some people barely create a blip on your radar, some shine bright like the sun! This applies to everything that you perceive. EVERYTHING. If you don’t care about money, having none won’t be a problem. You might suffer from some of the related issues, such as struggling to pay your rent. But money simply won’t be something that you strongly vector for in your life. Again, this is usually not binary: it’s not that you either care or don’t care about money at all - it’s a gradient. Not being able to pay your rent can influence how much you care about money. Nevertheless, you can work on what you care about. Consciously setting an intention can be one element. Working on letting go (= meditation) can help. Over time, this allows you to become freer or shape a life that’s more aligned with things that make for a good life, such as love, freedom and compassion.
A couple years back, making money was one of my primary goals in life. It had been a topic that was common in my family, and it thus came natural to me. This strong focus on money made me suffer! I was stingy. Looking for ways to get a higher paying job. Worried about losing my money. In short, it wasn’t good for me, and I wasn’t pleasant to be around (at times). I thus decided to change the relationship I have with money: I set a different overall intention for my life (e.g., “be more loving”, instead of “have more money”). I consciously worked on being more generous. I engaged with the fears that I had around material safety. I changed my social circle. Over time, money became less of a concern for me and as a consequence, I became freer. I still check my bank account from time to time, but it’s not something that worries me anymore as long as I can pay my bills.
So, working on seeing what we don’t see and doing the reverse can be powerful ways to shift our experience of being alive and to be happier and more fulfilled.
If you’re looking for someone to help you see your blind spots, feel free to schedule a free call with me – happy to help!