What do you need right now?
What is it you need right now? What’s the big thing in your life that draws you, pulls you relentlessly into a – possibly – unknown direction?
All of us seek balance. Being alive means to constantly seek a state of balancing all the possibly competing needs, wants, and desires.
For me, this plays out by, after a hectic week, possibly letting loose the weekends. Going with the flow. It can also mean spending some of the money I make – particularly when my schedule fills up a tad too much – on items that I imagine will offset that loss in self-determination. I (attempt to) buy “freedom”, so to speak. Often, this is also tied in with it being an act of supporting my imagined identity: “I am XXX, so this purchase will allow me to be that even more”. Excellent marketing plays on this: it speaks to our hearts via emotions and our minds via suggesting that with this purchase, we’ll become who we want to be. Ikea sells the dream of a comfy home. And the identity of someone who cares about their home.
Sadly, chasing after this ultimately doesn’t work: This state of balance is unattainable via external means.
Think of an amoeba, a one-celled organism, that is relentlessly optimizing its position in its environment: get the right amount of light, be in the right position to receive the right nutrients etc. Yet, due to the internal states of the amoeba AND the never-ending change in environment, it’s playing a losing game.
The same applies to us humans. We have needs come and go, yet they’re never fully satisfied: perfection is unattainable.
That’s why it makes sense, in my experience, to work on making and finding peace with this never-ending ebb and flow of what comes and goes: You feel well rested, yet soon some tiredness creeps in. You are slightly hungry or ate too much.
The most peaceful states I’ve experienced were in meditation when I’ve managed to step out of this subliminal push and pull of optimization (it’s also my understanding of what Buddhists call “suffering”. It doesn’t need to be the grandiose “my life is in tatters” experience, but it’s observable in every moment by simply looking closely at our experience and NOTICING this never-ending push and pull and what it brings with it!).
It’s like entering a different realm: whatever arises, arises and can simply be observed. This push and pull, that we experience all the time, yet most of the time aren’t aware of, becomes something to observe itself – to step out of. It brings with it tremendous clarity. A sense of peace that’s all-encompassing and often ends too soon. Yet, it’s something that can be fostered. Nourished.
How can we achieve this? By getting out of the way with all our needs and wants. Dropping them. Letting them be. Letting them go. Whichever word resonates most with you – it doesn’t matter. The important element is to practice this movement by not practicing it. With more and more experience, it becomes easier to not be in the way of this unfolding but to simply let it happen.
That ultimately delivers freedom. It’s nothing that can be bought, but something that can be attained by not attaining it.